woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
