My room smells like vodka and shame
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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