Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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