she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize