I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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