The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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