Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
