true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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