Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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