he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
