i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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