i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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