There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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