I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit