I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs