I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
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Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?