ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.