You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My feet surprised me
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