He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
