Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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