i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
