new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
