I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
