loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
