Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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