I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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