More tranny stories later!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
