Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
