I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
