I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
