Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
