when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
