I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
