Life is so much better after having sex.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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