We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
