so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We left the knife in your bed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
