i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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