he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
