Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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