I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
