So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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