Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
