oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
