There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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