My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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