I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
