me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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