He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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