You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
