we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
