Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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