I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize