it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize