I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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