I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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