So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
