We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
