you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
