Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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