My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
