I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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