Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
