Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
