I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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