i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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