watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
