I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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