I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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