Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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