just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
