the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
