What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
