what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
