Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
