i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
