This girl is more easily done than said...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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