a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
