Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
