Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
