Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
