Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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